When the writing doesn't arise . . .

As anyone who read my last blog entry on twirling may have surmised I’m not always a whiz at managing all of the competing demands on my time.  I do the best I can and try to have a sense of humor when it becomes glaringly apparent that I am still human despite best efforts. (wink wink)  This week I have been feeling particularly stressed as I had committed to writing eight blog entries before the end of July and to date have only succeeded in drafting two. 

Now I love to write and usually have a lot to say so my husband and close friends have been surprised that I’ve been struggling to get these blog posts done.  I carved out time in the early morning hours specifically to write.  Strangely nothing happened.  So I tried carving out longer periods of time.  More nothing resulted.  I was both tired and puzzled.   

As a college student I had excelled at showing up to the computer and banging out whatever pithy paper was required.  The only prerequisites for writing were that there had to be an impending deadline and I had to be able to twiddle and play with my hair throughout the writing process.  I usually allotted just enough time between writing and deadline to tame my post writing Don King like coif before zipping to class, completed paper in hand.  I was a writing superhero able to draft off tall stacks of papers in a single bound.  I was a legend in my own mind.  Writing was a faucet I turned on and off at will.

Fast forward a significant number of years and here I am.  Stuck.  I’m so stuck that the very word has been bent into the S-tuck position that only Stu C. Kay can assume.   My insides are in turmoil.  I vacillate between panic (what if I used up all my words on boring college essays) and self-criticism for not fulfilling my writing commitment.  My days are busy with other endeavors so I avoid these feelings most of the time.  However, those early morning hours provide ample time for reflection.   A wise friend (Barbara Ann O’Leary) gently reminds me that writing cannot be forced and instead arises.  The only thing that seems to be arising for me is a bad case of perfectionism and guilt.

Then I have an “aha” moment.   I feel like life has become one big to do list.  I’m no longer savoring life but rather slogging through each obligation in anticipation of the next duty.    I’m energetically constipated!  Thankfully I know how to cure this condition.  I need some serious play time!  So that’s what the kids and I do.  We paint each other’s fingernails with ridiculously gaudy sparkle polish (mine is extra sparkly as the kids have painted most of my fingers in addition to the nails).  We lie on the deck and cloud watch while sucking down cherries from the nearby tree.  We go to the park and get soaked at the splash pad.  We have pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner.  The kids watch cartoons and I read a novel for strictly entertainment purposes.  It is simply heaven!

My energies are humming and joyful and the writing arises.  Not out of the torturous brain dead (albeit quiet) early morning hours but in the wondrous chaos of my daily life.  As I write this the kids are marching through the house as pirates, giggling and singing made up ditties at the top of their lungs.  Instead of trying to block it out to concentrate I allow it to wash over me and through me.  Life is good.

While savoring this moment just as it is, I’m drafting a short list of energetic reminders to use when/if I find myself stuck again.  I call this list my “Cosmic Duhs!” -- those seemingly obvious things that I forget when I get stressed. 

1.  Lighten up!  Eden Energy Medicine (“EEM”) teaches that when my moods and energies are heavy and stagnant I need breath, movement, and space for the energies to flow sweetly. 

2.  Go outside!  Engage in the beauty and harmony of nature.  See and feel the five elements of life (water, wood, fire, earth, and metal).  Remember that I’m not separate from nature but rather a part of this larger universe just as it’s a part of me.

3.  Play!  Joy is not a superfluous condition to be enjoyed once work is done.  EEM teaches that joy is essential to our health and wellbeing.  An absence of joy means that my stress response (aka triple warmer in EEM) has been activated and is now running the show.

4.  Choose to honor my energies!  What else do I crave?  Am I listening and honoring the deepest urges of my body, mind and spirit or is my “to do” list (usually generated by that pesky triple warmer stress response) overriding everything else?  Seriously, the dishes will wait while I remember who I really am.

5.  Forgive myself!  We all forget ourselves sometimes and that’s okay.  The trick is to stop and remember and move on with life.  EEM teaches not to ignore or avoid painful energies but to heal them instead.  Focus on the healing.

6.  Give thanks!  Now that I've remembered myself, go and express that joy and gratitude.  Life is a wondrous gift!

7.  Go dance with life!  Sink deeply and sweetly into life with all its fun and chores and obligations and feel the joy and harmony I bring in a balanced state.  See the bubbles and marvel at my shiny smiley reflection in the clean dishes rather than focusing on the ick and grime that is being washed away.

That’s my list.  I invite you to draft up your own list for those times when your feet feel too heavy and the dance with life seems like too much work.  May you always remember yourself.

In love and light,

Jill

Comments

[Danceofenergy]

What a wonderful post. It reminded me of this poem by Mary Oliver (well her poem is bit darker than your post, but the ultimate message is the same).

Don't Hesitate

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate.

Give in to it.

There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be.

We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed.

Still, life has some possibility left.

Perhaps this is its way of fighting back,

that sometimes something happens better

than all the riches or power in the world.

It could be anything, but very likely

you notice it in the instant when love begins.

Anyway, that’s often the case.

Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty.

Joy is not made to be a crumb.